21 Mar When Panic Attacks Someone You Love
Last week we discussed the nature of panic attacks—sudden episodes in which one feels intense emotional and physical sensations associated with a sense of doom or dread. These “attacks” don’t directly result from anything dangerous; the sense of panic is spurred by perceptions that something happening within the body—changes in blood pressure, heart rate or breathing, or even light-headedness—is not right and signals a greater problem or danger.
Panic attacks are so very common that about 10 percent of the adult population has experienced them within the past 6 months. That is a lot of people! And it goes a long way in explaining why so many good and sensitive people avoid social events and other situations in which they anticipate feeling panicky. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to help them overcome what ails them?
The first step in helping someone suffering from panic is to help them understand what is happening to them. I often help clients to take the mystery out of their experience by explaining that everyone experiences anxiety, but that panic attacks result from “learning” that a sensation associated with anxiety is somehow dangerous. (See last week’s Standard-Journal article, or MichaelWilliamsCounseling.com.) I also try to help them understand that they probably had a “false alarm” experience somewhere along the way, which led to their mistaken assumption that the sensation is dangerous.
As long as your friend or family member believes that the sensations are truly dangerous she or he will feel overwhelmed and avoid the situations associated with the panic. This is how most phobias develop. That is also a very effective way of sucking the joy out of life, so it is very valuable to do your research and help your friend understand what is happening. David D. Burns, MD wrote a great book about dealing with anxiety and panic called “When Panic Attacks”, and is the obvious source from which I plagiarized this article’s title.
Now that you have begun to help your loved one to change how she or he thinks about what happens with them it is time to have a new experience with the sensations. We have discussed mindfulness a few times, and this is one place where simple mindfulness skills can pay big dividends. Perhaps you can sit with your friend and have them pinpoint and describe the sensations which they fear, the ones they tend to think of as proof that something bad is happening. Help them to be very specific about what the sensations are (as opposed to what they imagine about the sensations) and where they are felt.
In order for this to be successful you will both need to approach this with great curiosity, setting aside any judgments that you or your friend might have. Perhaps you can also help your friend to experiment with ways to bring those sensations on, but in a safe environment. Since most panic attacks are linked to metabolic changes (heart rate, breathing, etc.) many find it useful to slowly jog in place in their living room in the presence of a good friend, then stop and simply notice the sensations.
If they experiment in gently creating and observing the sensations come and go in a safe environment they can “unlearn” that they are dangerous. It usually takes many experiences and happens best when in a supportive environment with people whom they know won’t judge them. That is why your informed friendship might be the best resource for helping them to overcome what ails them, but you must be willing to set your judgments aside and be very patient with them as they do something that might experience as risky or dangerous.
I have to note here that it takes a good deal of courage to “risk” experiencing a sensation normally considered dangerous. That would be like asking you to handle a tarantula when you can’t stand spiders. So don’t be surprised if a well-trained, experienced professional needs to play a role.
But the bottom line is this: Panic is never proof that something is dangerous. It is a mistaken, learned response to a perception that an internal sensation is dangerous. This will only be overcome as one gently experiments and unlearns the mistaken perception. This is best done with the help of someone who sincerely understands them and their challenge, and knows how to support them as they exercise and build their courage and confidence.
Michael D. Williams is a licensed psychotherapist, a Marriage & Family Therapist with over 25 years’ experience. Please offer your feedback or questions at his website: MichaelWilliamsCounseling.com or contact him directly at 360.2365.