19 Nov To Be, or Not to Be? Here Is the Answer.
As I drove home from the office Saturday I picked up the Standard Journal (Nov 5) and was saddened to see the cover story about the young boy who took his own life, and his mother’s efforts to find some meaning in the loss and to protect others from a similar fate. So it seemed particularly ironic to see a feature letter to the editor in defense of doctor-assisted suicide.
In the span of those few pages one person sought to prevent the taking of one’s own life and another sought to promote it.
Mr. Oakey’s carefully-crafted letter is only one of many across the nation, suggesting that doctors could make suicide hurt less. They hope to make the process more convenient, more socially acceptable, and less messy. But suicide, even “death by doctor”, leaves more victims and pains that it relieves.
I hurt immensely for those who have lost loved ones and community members in such a horrible way. I also hurt for those who conclude—even momentarily—that death would be preferable to living. It is also worth noting that what they often seek is relief from something that has not yet occurred.
Notice that most of the cases cited, including those in Mr. Oakey’s letter, focus on the ANTICIPATION of suffering and pain. The pain for which they seek relief is the pain and humiliation that they EXPECT to experience at some future point. He wrote, “Ms. Turnbull, racked with fears of dying in pain and incompetence, requested Dr. Quill’s assistance” in ending her life via medication. They seek to “die with dignity” because they fear they will suffer humiliation as their lives come to an end under the conditions with which they have been diagnosed.
Such was also the case with 29-year old Brittany Maynard, the woman who captured the world’s attention by moving to Oregon where she could legally contract with a doctor to end her life before she suffered the physical effects of her disease.
In these and so many other cases the anticipation of misery creates a current state of anxious desolation and leads to desperate efforts to avoid the pain that has not arrived, and perhaps may never actually arrive. But the emotional suffering they experience while thinking of future pain is not imaginary; it is very real. So they scramble to find solutions to the problem which does not yet exist, and often find relief from today’s pain by taking steps to avoid tomorrow’s pain.
My heart breaks for those who have felt so discouraged that they concluded—even momentarily—that death would be preferable to living. I have known many people who came to that conclusion, but who ultimately chose to live on, even in the face of great pain, inconvenience and loss of independence.
My own grandfather faced such a decision. Shortly after the passing of his wife of over 60 years, he was diagnosed with cancer. His doctor advised that he go quietly, having lived a full life. He explained that the pain could be managed so he would not suffer and he would be gone within several months.
After considering it for several days Grandpa fired his doctor, had surgery and other treatment, and lived for several years. When I asked how he made the decision he said, “I realized that I have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren—and I still had things to teach them and opportunities to help them.”
Grandpa strove to live because he concluded his life was not entirely his own—that his decisions touched many others. He did much good on that “borrowed time”. My life was enhanced by observing his courage in the face of all that most of us seek to avoid.
He decided to live with honor before dying in the most dignified way—in the arms of those whom he had held and steadied for years.
Again, my heart goes out to those people who have contemplated ending their lives prematurely, not realizing how much their lives mean and how much their deaths hurt us all. Please, let’s not legitimize something that is so destructive to each and every one of us.
When faced with the question of whether to be or not to be, please choose to live.