12 Nov Take the Challenge!
“Ice Bucket Challenge” fever swept the nation this year. Time magazine reports that Americans donated 115 million dollars to the ALS foundation to fight a disease most had never really thought about before.
So why the big response? It seems we want, even need, to be challenged. The need for challenge—taking on tasks that stretch our abilities—is very real in all of us. I gained a greater appreciation for this fact when our youngest son was nine months old.
Tyler wanted to walk wherever we went. This required a good deal of patience, holding his hand carefully as he worked to place one tiny foot in front of the other. One day I was trying to hurry toward a store and helped him to step up the curb, a challenging task when the curb is as high as one’s knee.
I patiently encouraged Tyler to lift his foot all the way up, then lift his little body until he was up on the curb. As soon as he had accomplished it I turned my attention to the doorway of the store. But Tyler immediately spun his little body to the left and tried to step back down off the curb. I was confused and struggled with him for a moment, wanting to drag him toward my destination.
Toddlers seem to have a special relationship with gravity, tripling their normal weight on demand. For about 30 seconds he and I were locked in a battle of wills, and he won. So I turned with him as he carefully stepped down off the curb, at which point he spun around and stepped back up on the curb, then spun to his left to repeat the process. We went up that curb a total of four times, after which he smiled and confidently toddled toward our ultimate destination.
It took a moment to register, but then I realized what he was doing: he was working to master something that was difficult. He was enthralled with the challenge of doing something tough, a skill that would serve him well throughout his life. The thrill that went through that little body upon having achieved it was palpable. And I was thrilled to observe this happening inside my little son.
We all have the need to try hard things, even if only for the sake of trying. As I drive through my neighborhood I see a number of boys shooting baskets and kicking soccer balls. Some of these shots are odd and creative, clearly of no value in a real game. Yet a certain sense of satisfaction seems to sweep over the young athletes’ faces as they accomplish something that is really hard to do.
This need for challenge rounds out the list of five universal needs described by Michael Popkin. This innate drive pushes us to do things that are difficult and where there is a good chance we might not succeed. As a result of this drive we develop new skills, bettering our lives and lives of those around us.
So why do many of us seem to avoid doing hard things, even when the results would be so valuable? Some children get the message early in life that the effort is highly unlikely to pay off, that it would be a waste of their time and effort to stretch themselves. Some parents are consistently preoccupied with their own objectives, not prepared to patiently support little ones trying to push their own limits.
Teens and young adults who don’t develop the wisdom and skills to take on meaningful challenges become passive and depressed. Others become preoccupied with taking meaningless risks that can harm themselves and others.
Wise parents watch closely, looking for opportunities to encourage the child doing challenging things. They acknowledge the effort put into worthy goals, even if the not fully “achieved”.
They set a good example by working on hard things and taking pride in their progress. They can “think out loud” so children understand the efforts and reasons behind it. I was motivated through college largely by having watched my father patiently struggle through fourteen years of night school, doing his homework at the table and explaining the value of learning difficult skills.
Now I challenge you to experience the joy of trying hard things, and to encourage others to do the same.